“What do women want?”
That’s the age-old question. Right? I mean good old Sigmund Freud couldn’t even figure it out.
Men have been pondering this mystery for ages only to come up with zilch.
Back in high school, I used to joke around with my buddies and say that the answer is in a small book dedicated to all men with the content being a single sentence saying:
“I wouldn’t go down that rabbit hole if I were you, pal”
However, recent developments might help us in deciphering the enigma that is the female mind.
By the way. If you want to expand on this particular topic, I recommend 2 books in particular:
Without going into too much detail on the massive growth that the internet underwent hugely attributed to the demand for pornographic material, let’s focus on the difference in the type of such materials that men and women consume and the psychological implications they entail. More specifically, how they relate to dating dynamics and the truth about people’s desires.
You see. Unlike men, who usually gravitate towards watching porn vids, images and tend to be sexually stimulated visually. Women, by large, prefer reading their “porn”.
These tend to be less graphic and more of an emotional rollercoaster.
They’re called erotica literature, a more sexualized (and often-times a less plot-heavy) version of the more mainstream romance novels.
The thing is, you might not find the stories logically compelling and the writing is certainly not Shakespeare or Tolkien. But such things are irrelevant to our purposes, aren’t they?
Why do you think the Fifty Shades book series became a huge bestseller and the movies to have gained a massive primarily female audience?
Note: I would’ve said Twilight but I figured this proves my point better.
I found a couple of very consistent patterns that these erotic stories exhibit that might give us insight to the female psyche
The Bad Boy Paradox
Apparently different variations of the “Bad Boy” Archetype are constantly written as heroes in these stories. Such variations include:
There’s a lot more but I think you know where it’s going. It’s basically the old Beauty and The Beast story over and over again. I mean Why do you think the show Lucifer is a huge success with a massive female fanbase? Everyone wants a taste of the proverbial Forbidden Fruit.
Look at it this way…
Keep in mind that for the most part, women are all about the emotional experience. Now put on the metaphorical stilettos and imagine the following scenarios from a female perspective What do you think is more gratifying?
You meet a cute guy who turns out to be a doctor. He’s very polite, honest, and generous as he pays for all the dates you go to. He’s very charitable, he drives a Prius. He takes care of his family and friends
You’re late for a very important presentation at work with your car stalled by the side of the road when this jet-black Lamborghini speeds pass and splashes a puddle of water all over your office clothes. Furious you began shouting obscenities when the Lambo stops not far from where you are. The driver steps out wearing a douchey leather jacket and a cocky smile.
A couple more shouting bouts from you about a missing apology from him later. You grab a fresh set of office clothes and your purse from the car.
Apparently the self-aggrandizing jerk is also late for a meeting in the same office building and it’s too late for you to get an uber. So you hopped on the Lambo (the least he can do, right?)
You reached the office and after a quick change of clothes, you went to the conference room only to find the asshole with the Lambo shaking hands with your boss. (apparently, he’s the tech billionaire you’re supposed to present your pitch to)
You conducted your presentation as professionally as you can, fighting the urge to punch the grin off his face…
Let’s stop here for now.
Question: What do you think is more emotionally compelling, the first or the second scenario?
Is it safe to say that even with the incomplete narrative the second one is much more intriguing?
Disclaimer: This is in no way promoting abusive behavior towards women. Such actions are not only counter-productive in relationships it will also guarantee you a ticket to jail.
So what’s the Key takeaway from the example?
Without the tension, attraction between men and women isn’t possible. The relationship would at best be platonic and non-sexual.
There are many ways to go about building up this tension. I’ll definitely write a comprehensive post about it soon. (There are tons of videos we have on flirting and sexualizing conversations on our YouTube Channel)
Resolution: So, What DO Women Want?
It seems that a huge part of the female fantasy revolves around the idea of “Taming the beast” metaphorically speaking. Does the whole idea of a current love interest being a “work-in-progress”.ring a bell?
This conclusion seems to be the “happy ending” of every romance story that women gravitate towards.
Well, I think it’s self-evident that in your interactions a certain degree of tension, mystery, and uncertainty can be a good thing. Generating a sense of adventure and mischief every now and then enhances the emotional experience for her.
All that being said, it is virtually useless to have that tension if a woman doesn’t feel that she’s actually safe around you. That tension would just be creepy.
So to be clear she must feel that she’s physically safe to enjoy the emotional rollercoaster.