Everyone has preferences on what they find attractive, right? There is nothing wrong with that regardless of what you may have been told. I’ve always been a big advocate of going after what you want and interracial dating is no different.
That being said, I think there can be a few extra layers when it comes to interracial dating. What I wanted to do was dive deep into it and uncover some of these layers in a real and frank way. I think this topic gets glossed over because it may make some uncomfortable but if we only touch on the comfortable subjects how can we ever grow?
So let’s get into this subject as dicey as it may be. After all, it’s about you and what you want so let’s have some conversation and help you get there.
1. Don’t Fetishize
It’s okay to be attracted to another race but in my opinion, it’s not okay to put a girl on a pedestal because she happens to be white, asian, latina, black, etc. If you find yourself throwing criteria that you would normally otherwise look for out of the window because a woman belongs to a certain race then you are fetishizing her.
Understand, that a woman wants you to like her because of who she is and not what ethnicity she is. She wants you to get to know her as a person and not a race. It’s cool to respect another culture and the things and experiences it may provide but to look at it as a way to get your rocks off is another story.
2. Don’t Become Try Hard
Ever know a guy that switched up his persona to fit in? In other words, a guy that when he’s around his white friends he talks “white” and when he’s with his black friends he talks “black”. It’s very transparent and everyone can sniff him out as being phony.
It’s okay to admire another culture. They all bring something different to the table and make life textured but when you try to BECOME that culture you make yourself seems cartoonish. Remember, authenticity in dating is VERY key, and the more you show a version of you that isn’t really you, you’re not doing her (or you) any favors. Don’t neuter who you just to get in with her.
3. They’re Maybe Awkward Times
Not everyone is evolved as you and I! Sometimes folks of older generations and even some younger ones may have an issue with their daughter, granddaughter, cousin, etc dating a man such as yourself. This can make family get-togethers somewhat awkward.
If you’re dating a girl of another race and she invites you to the next family bar-b-que and this situation becomes apparent how should you handle it? My advice is don’t go out of your way to win them over. It’s not likely to work and you come across as pandering. The best thing you can do is be polite, nice and civil. The last thing you want is to make an awkward situation worse by starting an argument and now you come across as the bad guy.
4. Go to Places They Are
Maybe you identify as someone that is attracted to many qualities of another race. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you’re not fetishizing it (see point one). Maybe you like the women of a certain race’s disposition, general personalities, physical features and you want to make an impression with your authentic self and get to know one or more of these fine women. There’s a way about going to do just that….. Go where they are!
Start spreading your cultural wings and go find them. I don’t mean hop on the next plane to Bangkok (although you could). I mean start going to cultural events, festivals, restaurants, clubs, etc that you’re more likely to get some face time with the kind of woman you’re looking for.
5. Don’t Worry About Society
This is going the way of the dinosaur BUT depending on where you live it still could be an issue. You may even see some stuff on social media here and there that can give you a feeling of concern. Don’t fall into the trap of social conditioning and follow the sheep. You’re a lion and it’s time to do what’s best for you!
You only have one go around on this world and you going to do it following social conventions or are you going to do it on your terms? Maybe your family is the one that makes for the awkward situation we talked about earlier. So what if grandpa gives you a sideways look? You’re the one that has to live your life, nobody else, just you.